Yesterday it poured all day. Given the most depressing night in the unit, the rain seemed natural. A sunny day would have seemed almost inappropriate.

One of the things I keep coming back to is this: I'm more confident a patient died scared and alone than I am confident that he felt God's presence for those last moments. I know I sure didn't feel God there.

I don't want to hear all the usual responses. I don't want to hear judgements of my faith. Right now, I don't care. Right now the rain is crying for me.