"It was growing late when I left. Night doesn't fall in the hills and hollows of central Kentucky. It rises from the depressions and clefts of mother earth, smudges contours and outlines, cloaks the hills in dark velvet, and reaches to embrace the luminous sky."
~Nadine Brewer in "Home to the Heart of Kentucky" Natl. Geographic 1982
A few months back, I got a decade of National Geographics for free from a guy on Craigslist (perusing the "free" section results in treasures every once in a while). I really liked this woman's description of nightfall in Kentucky. I know exactly what she's talking about, and it's one specific thing I love about southern Indiana and below. I feel like this also describes some of what I felt in West Virginia last fall when I went to visit Steff. I'm not quite sure why it makes me feel like I'm home, but it always has. I sort of miss it.
I'm lost in thought today. Didn't sleep well, walked around Greenlake three times (nearly nine miles) before work, and was off all evening at work. I had this song stuck in my head. I don't know why people feel the need to put inspiring but incredibly cheesy pictures to religious songs. So please look past that and listen to the words to one of my favorite David Crowder Band songs. The fact that he reminds me of a goat only adds to the fact that I appreciate and enjoy his music.
Time and time again I go back to this song because it gets me when he says, "you make everything glorious... what does that make me?" Now don't go thinking I believe I'm all that and a bag of cinnamon bears, but I do believe that God makes all things glorious. Dude, that's a lot to take in.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Anyone seen my scythe?
I'd been feeling sort of, for lack of a better descriptor, weird lately about having been the one to withdraw life support on four patients the last month and a half. It's part of the job and all, but I seem to be doing it more than usual lately. That's how it goes, ebb and flow, but I was still beginning to feel like the Nurse of Death, you know? So as I walked into work this afternoon, I cringed when I saw the manilla envelope in my box...
The UW is doing some sort of palliative care study in the ICU's, and an envelope means a rather long survey to fill out. I don't mind doing it, it's just that I've done quite a few of them lately. I still get a little emotional about them all, so I was going to toss it in my locker for a bit. As I picked it up, another little envelope fell on the ground. It was a card addressed to me via the unit. The family of the most recent patient I withdrew care on had sent me a very nice, personal thank you note. Not sure why it means so much to me, but it does.
Lesson learned? While I may still be the harbinger of death, I'm at least a likable one!
The UW is doing some sort of palliative care study in the ICU's, and an envelope means a rather long survey to fill out. I don't mind doing it, it's just that I've done quite a few of them lately. I still get a little emotional about them all, so I was going to toss it in my locker for a bit. As I picked it up, another little envelope fell on the ground. It was a card addressed to me via the unit. The family of the most recent patient I withdrew care on had sent me a very nice, personal thank you note. Not sure why it means so much to me, but it does.
Lesson learned? While I may still be the harbinger of death, I'm at least a likable one!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
On being an adult
In response to "why don't you want kids?" I've begun using the "because I believe in child abuse" quip (credit where credit is due: Bob). It's a joke people. A joke. Even so, I don't think I'll be able to say that, working with kidlets and all now. Rats, it's a great line if only I could keep a straight face when I say it!
Oh, I decided to stay per diem at the current hospital in addition to the new job. That means I work two eight hour shifts a month. I think that'll be doable.
I was disappointed in myself because I got a little nervous when I realized I would have no health insurance for a few months between leaving The Forefront and when benefits kicked in at this hospital. It felt all grown up-ish, but more disconcerting, a bit too dependent on my part. I'd like to think I could survive all on my own without help from the Man (or The Hospital for that matter). You know, along the lines of "I am woman, hear me roar!" I used to have a t-shirt saying that. It was cool.
When I realized this will be the case again during the switchover to my new job, I did the same thing. Now, I could forgive myself the momentary concern last time given the driving across the country in the dead of winter with my worldly possessions in a car I don't quite own yet... but not for a move like this. Sheesh, grow up.
On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea after all.
Oh, I decided to stay per diem at the current hospital in addition to the new job. That means I work two eight hour shifts a month. I think that'll be doable.
I was disappointed in myself because I got a little nervous when I realized I would have no health insurance for a few months between leaving The Forefront and when benefits kicked in at this hospital. It felt all grown up-ish, but more disconcerting, a bit too dependent on my part. I'd like to think I could survive all on my own without help from the Man (or The Hospital for that matter). You know, along the lines of "I am woman, hear me roar!" I used to have a t-shirt saying that. It was cool.
When I realized this will be the case again during the switchover to my new job, I did the same thing. Now, I could forgive myself the momentary concern last time given the driving across the country in the dead of winter with my worldly possessions in a car I don't quite own yet... but not for a move like this. Sheesh, grow up.
On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea after all.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Headed west from the Cumberland Gap
I woke up this morning feeling sad. I think partly it was a bad dream I was having, but I've felt myself beginning to feel a bit blue lately. I decided it's ok to have sad days every once in a while, but that I'd be going outside and playing anyway. Katie and I finally touched base and my day immediately started looking up when within this first two minutes, this conversation took place:
Katie: So, now don't get too excited, but I got you something.
Me: Really? [thinking, an early birthday present?]
Katie: It's really not a big deal, but I'll tell you what it is.
Me: ...
Katie: Cheese! Lots of shredded cheese!
I'm so glad friends and family think of me when they buy cheese! I couldn't help laughing and smiling after that :)
The day only got better from there. It was gorgeous out today! Sunny and warm with lots of people out. It reminded me of how Chicago randomly decides to barf its inhabitants onto the streets and beaches one day and declare it spring. Everyone is blinking in the sunshine, trying to remember what we're supposed to be doing out here and how to interact with strangers again. You know the dedicated people who have been out all along because they're in shorts and avoiding the awkward crowds.
Gazza and I roamed the park for a few hours and then found a little clearing on a bluff overlooking the Sound.
As you can see, she almost always has to be touching me... Anyway, as we were sitting there drinking in the sun and beautiful view, I was thinking about the past year here. I've been in Seattle a few weeks over a year. I'm not sure what I think about the whole thing. It has been really tough and really good. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be when Steff and I rolled in last year, but I like where I am. I was just musing on that when I heard guitars being played from somewhere up above. I tried to freeze frame those few moments because I live for them.
Everything in the world was just right.
After a while, the guitars blended in with the birds and breeze. I was woken out of another reverie when I recognized they were playing Wagon Wheel.
Oh come on, I know it made you smile at least a little bit :) That song reminds me of Steff, and I tried to will her off the slopes of West Virginia and onto my bluff in Seattle. It didn't work. I still had a good time, though. So did Gazza. She's not going anywhere else tonight, that's for sure!
Katie: So, now don't get too excited, but I got you something.
Me: Really? [thinking, an early birthday present?]
Katie: It's really not a big deal, but I'll tell you what it is.
Me: ...
Katie: Cheese! Lots of shredded cheese!
I'm so glad friends and family think of me when they buy cheese! I couldn't help laughing and smiling after that :)
The day only got better from there. It was gorgeous out today! Sunny and warm with lots of people out. It reminded me of how Chicago randomly decides to barf its inhabitants onto the streets and beaches one day and declare it spring. Everyone is blinking in the sunshine, trying to remember what we're supposed to be doing out here and how to interact with strangers again. You know the dedicated people who have been out all along because they're in shorts and avoiding the awkward crowds.
Gazza and I roamed the park for a few hours and then found a little clearing on a bluff overlooking the Sound.
As you can see, she almost always has to be touching me... Anyway, as we were sitting there drinking in the sun and beautiful view, I was thinking about the past year here. I've been in Seattle a few weeks over a year. I'm not sure what I think about the whole thing. It has been really tough and really good. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be when Steff and I rolled in last year, but I like where I am. I was just musing on that when I heard guitars being played from somewhere up above. I tried to freeze frame those few moments because I live for them.
Everything in the world was just right.
After a while, the guitars blended in with the birds and breeze. I was woken out of another reverie when I recognized they were playing Wagon Wheel.
Oh come on, I know it made you smile at least a little bit :) That song reminds me of Steff, and I tried to will her off the slopes of West Virginia and onto my bluff in Seattle. It didn't work. I still had a good time, though. So did Gazza. She's not going anywhere else tonight, that's for sure!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Fork fluffing
I'm generally a pretty imaginative person. Not as in artsy imaginative, but if you tell me something, I'm constructing the image of what you're saying in my mind. I think in pictures. Sometimes I think that's why my communication is sub-par. If you could "see" my mind instead of "read" it, my world (and those of you involved) might be a better place.
Anyway, where was I going with this? Ah yes. I've also become somewhat of a connoisseur of Trader Joe's recipe of the day. Or week. Whatever it is. Today's was really good, so like the good consumer I am, I bought the stuff. So as I'm here making my couscous and beans, I read the instructions for the couscous (Yes, couscous requires directions). At the end, it directs, "fluff with a fork and serve warm." Fluff with a fork? As mentioned above, I'm pretty visual, but I had some difficulty putting "fluff" and "fork" in the same sentence. I know what they're getting at, but maybe with a spoon instead?
And lo, here is my fork-fluffed, two-pot-use supper. A masterpiece in my own mind:
Anyway, where was I going with this? Ah yes. I've also become somewhat of a connoisseur of Trader Joe's recipe of the day. Or week. Whatever it is. Today's was really good, so like the good consumer I am, I bought the stuff. So as I'm here making my couscous and beans, I read the instructions for the couscous (Yes, couscous requires directions). At the end, it directs, "fluff with a fork and serve warm." Fluff with a fork? As mentioned above, I'm pretty visual, but I had some difficulty putting "fluff" and "fork" in the same sentence. I know what they're getting at, but maybe with a spoon instead?
And lo, here is my fork-fluffed, two-pot-use supper. A masterpiece in my own mind:
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I can't breathe!
I give up justifying these types of things to people. I will laugh when you have awkward falls, and I will laugh when you trip. It may not be in the moment, and I don't want you to get hurt but seriously folks. It's funny. That said, try not to laugh at this one (especially the slowmo version):
Changing topics here, I saw this with Gazza yesterday. Apparently the little bird and I weren't the only ones who got the spring memo early!
I hope the little guys make it :)
Changing topics here, I saw this with Gazza yesterday. Apparently the little bird and I weren't the only ones who got the spring memo early!
I hope the little guys make it :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Who doesn't love a hedgehog?
If we all looked like this when we ate, we'd lose a good 50% of the calories by just laughing at each other:
Worth the wait
An Ode... part deux
Oh sprinkle cookie, my heart's delight,
I look on you, a marvelous sight.
It's been so long, my cookie true,
Since our midnight rendez-vous!
The hospital has done its best,
It's put our love to the test.
For the kitchen is closed in the night,
The bars are locked nice and tight.
Now on days, I pass you by
For a healthy salad with a sigh.
I see you there, my heart cries out,
I love you still! Have no doubt!
So here's the plan, what we'll do;
I've found a way for me and you
To reunite sans calories
And fat to clog my arteries!
If we can share, now hear me out,
Our special bond, what we're about
With a girl I know, a friend in need-
We'll show her love, plant the seed.
My shaggy dog, Ragazza, cries
Causing me such woeful sighs.
In the car she pines for me,
Howling oh so plaintively.
Can you calm her, cookie sweet?
I'll warn you now, it's quite the feat!
Let her know I'm never far,
And when I'm gone, there you are.
I know she loves you, eats you up;
You've charmed her too, my anxious pup.
The croissants are second only to you,
The silver bullet in this SNAFU.
For a healthy reunion, here's my plan,
Uniting cookie, dog, and man:
You'll fill her belly with sprinkle delight,
And I'll revel in the wondrous sight!
So as God ordained for it to be,
We're back together, you and me!
Only now a trio, joy all around!
Hooray and let the trumpets sound!
Oh sprinkle cookie, my heart's delight,
I look on you, a marvelous sight.
It's been so long, my cookie true,
Since our midnight rendez-vous!
The hospital has done its best,
It's put our love to the test.
For the kitchen is closed in the night,
The bars are locked nice and tight.
Now on days, I pass you by
For a healthy salad with a sigh.
I see you there, my heart cries out,
I love you still! Have no doubt!
So here's the plan, what we'll do;
I've found a way for me and you
To reunite sans calories
And fat to clog my arteries!
If we can share, now hear me out,
Our special bond, what we're about
With a girl I know, a friend in need-
We'll show her love, plant the seed.
My shaggy dog, Ragazza, cries
Causing me such woeful sighs.
In the car she pines for me,
Howling oh so plaintively.
Can you calm her, cookie sweet?
I'll warn you now, it's quite the feat!
Let her know I'm never far,
And when I'm gone, there you are.
I know she loves you, eats you up;
You've charmed her too, my anxious pup.
The croissants are second only to you,
The silver bullet in this SNAFU.
For a healthy reunion, here's my plan,
Uniting cookie, dog, and man:
You'll fill her belly with sprinkle delight,
And I'll revel in the wondrous sight!
So as God ordained for it to be,
We're back together, you and me!
Only now a trio, joy all around!
Hooray and let the trumpets sound!
Monday, February 11, 2008
A little bird told me
It's three in the morning and I'm woken out of a poor slumber by retching. On my bed. I'm wide awake in a split second and reach to the floor for a shirt as a more suitable, uh, target. As I'm falling back into bed, I see that she's standing up, trying to york on my pillow.
Against my better judgement, although it appears to have helped, she ate two cups of food and drank a bowl of water. When we went out, she did her business, wagged her tail, and started for the door. At any rate, she's sleeping peacefully at my feet now.
I know what you're thinking. But I feed her! She ate today!
As I was bundled up outside, a few thoughts went through my mind. While there's still no discernable sunlight at this hour, it's milder than it has been of late. In fact, it was quite pleasant out. Also, I wouldn't have thought I could feel peacefulness in a city, but it feels notably calm out there overlooking Lake Union and downtown (I suppose that's what happens when you're not a twenty-four hour city). Given that I wasn't sleeping well anyway, I thought about taking a walk but decided against it. It's been a while since I've taken a midnight stroll, and I find I actually miss it.
I couldn't help but laugh at the bird singing out of tune on the roof. Seattle appears to have a thing for discordant morning serenades. Still, it was nice to feel the first breath of spring too. I would have whistled along in kind if I could.
Against my better judgement, although it appears to have helped, she ate two cups of food and drank a bowl of water. When we went out, she did her business, wagged her tail, and started for the door. At any rate, she's sleeping peacefully at my feet now.
I know what you're thinking. But I feed her! She ate today!
As I was bundled up outside, a few thoughts went through my mind. While there's still no discernable sunlight at this hour, it's milder than it has been of late. In fact, it was quite pleasant out. Also, I wouldn't have thought I could feel peacefulness in a city, but it feels notably calm out there overlooking Lake Union and downtown (I suppose that's what happens when you're not a twenty-four hour city). Given that I wasn't sleeping well anyway, I thought about taking a walk but decided against it. It's been a while since I've taken a midnight stroll, and I find I actually miss it.
I couldn't help but laugh at the bird singing out of tune on the roof. Seattle appears to have a thing for discordant morning serenades. Still, it was nice to feel the first breath of spring too. I would have whistled along in kind if I could.
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