Madness

I haven't been sleeping more than an hour or two at a time for days now- at first I thought it was because of the change and I chalked the vivid dreams up to the Lariam, but once the nightmares started, I was done for. I thought I was going crazy last night. I mean, seeing things and paranoid crazy. Lariam is freaky, freaky stuff. Had some amazing people stay up with me throughout the night, though. It was so scary! I spent most of the night in the wards. Ironically, there was something strangely comforting about the blips of the monitors and sighs of the ventilator in the other room as the night staff kept checking in. Hannah even spent some time holding me in the bed- a comfort to be close to someone when you're not entirely sure which way is up and afraid to either close or open your eyes.

The crew doc mercifully bombed me with benzos today for some much needed sleep- nine hours of it in a kindly charge nurse's cool, quiet room. Hopefully I'll find some more restful sleep this weekend as the Lariam slowly makes its way out of my system.

To be honest, I don't know if I'm feeling the leftover benzos, lack of sleep, or Lariam at the moment, but it's eleven pm and I feel like I'm thinking through mud. Everything around me is overwhelming- the noise, colors, and smells. I think I'll go retreat to my bunk and continue reading Peleke's book about the Battle of Gettysburg. If that doesn't work, maybe I'll go visit D ward and the nurses keeping watch there tonight.

I wish you could all experience God's overwhelming love here on the Africa Mercy. I would recommend bypassing the Lariam Experience though.