It has been a month today since surgery. I'm not gonna lie. It has been harder than I had anticipated- longer recovery, more pain, and certainly more sleep deprivation than I'd hoped for. All that equals one discouraged and sad patient.
In short, it sucks.
However.
Muddling through the pain this afternoon in a sleep deprived, melancholy state, I remembered something.* I remember feeling hopeless (and with some just cause, I might add) regarding my knees this November when things started to go downhill rapidly. I'd done a lot of research and finally, in desperation, had emailed Dr. Michigan in hopes of his having something to possibly contribute. The following rollercoaster of relief, hope, validation, devastation, frustration, and renewed hope with Dr. Texas was an interesting combination.
Right now, I'm trying to recapture all that hope I discovered and hang on. I'm trying to keep perspective... or at least trust in the perspective of my family.
The worst pain is over. While I can't claim to be doing much more than hanging on to sanity (and even that might be a stretch), it pretty much can only get better from here, right? I'll eventually sleep, eat, walk, and be drug free again. I have some gnarly scars that will heal great. This is very likely the end of the vast majority of troubles on this leg.
Bigger still, the nerve injury has been cured- something I hadn't expected, not even dared hope for. I can't be too thankful for Dr. Texas for not only restoring my body but making it even better.
Perhaps more importantly yet in everything, I have a husband who has been so patient, so attentive, and so loving. That might even be the biggest blessing of all.
God is truly a god of hope and healing, isn't He?
*I think it was encouraged in part by tea, of all thing. A dear friend from Mercy Ships sent me a package this week full of tea and a book- perfect. I'll admit, I chose the first tea to drink this afternoon based on its novelty (Heh. Noveltea. Be quiet. I'm drugged.). It's a little ball of something (the head of some flower?) that fits snugly inside one of those tea diffusers.** At first sip, I had the very powerful image of walking through a greenhouse. I love greenhouses and love walking through them and smelling all the flowers and soil. In a pinch, walking through the outdoor lawn and garden section of Lowe's will do. Anyway, it always relaxes me. For some reason, it made me feel hopeful. Can't attribute it to spring because we're past that here in the Redneck Riviera. It's full on summer here in my book now.
**I had to google what they are called. My search terms? Tea dunking metal. We called ours "shrimper" growing up and used to make it "talk" and bite fingers. Ooooh my family.
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