supper's on (and on and on)

It occurred to me, as I put some Rice-a-Roni back in the fridge for later, that I'm putting Rice-a-Roni in the fridge for later. Is my lack of cooking so bad that it warrants putting easy cook stuff in the fridge to zap later? It appears so.

Clogging the drain with woodchips

When I get nasty notes about my inhumain (sic) treatment of Gazza, I'm going to start setting the record straight. Because not only do I torture the poor beast in the car, I also try to drown her in my shower routinely.



Again, a joke. She needed to be cleaned and rather than try to scramble out tooth and claw like any normal dog, she slumped her shoulders and looked down dejectedly. It would be funny if it didn't make me feel like a horrible person. Around some people, she's really shy and slinks around and tucks her tail. I feel bad because of course that makes them feel like bad people. I know she'll gain more confidence in people as time passes (in fact, she already has quite a bit!), but it'll take time, time, time.

I suppose, as they say, the beatings, drownings, and car inprisonments will have to continue until confidence improves.

Actually, for the benefit of those who haven't been privy to the whole ordeal with Gazza, I will say this for you once and then continue on with the joking. In all seriousness, Gazza has a major separation anxiety issue. She can't be home alone because she panics and hurts herself. I mean that as literally as possible. There's something about the car where she is ok. She howls sometimes, but she's eating, drinking, playing with her toys, and sleeping. If that's the worst that happens, we'll call it good (but still try to stop it, obviously). Of course I come out to let her go to the bathroom, fetch the ball, and cuddle with me every few hours.

I'm over feeling badly about it because when we don't make it to the dogpark, which is nearly every day, we are at Greenlake, hiking, or on the BG Trail. And she sleeps with me on the bed. So, no, we're both pretty lucky to have each other. This is to say, I joke about her horrible life because she's actually quite the mellow, active, happy dog now.

Changing topics here, I have a special favor to ask. Those of you who are the praying types (and even if you're not), please send some good ones for my friend Jonathan. He has a special place in my heart, and his family is facing a nasty cancer battle.

Officially in my "late-twenties" now

If you're looking for lots of laughs, check out Hoops and Yoyo . Marimar sent me a card of theirs years ago and my family has been hooked ever since. It appears they've got quite a following! Watch the clock while you're at (on?) the site- it's a time vortex. Consider yourself warned!

Fortunately for me, my time of late has only been limited by when the next dose of whathaveyou is due. Gazza has been really understanding and just slept for the last two days, but today she started getting a little antsy. I decided to suck it up, load up on ibuprofin, take the inhalers... and then take her around Greenlake. If I wasn't exhausted before, I am now.

Even if it includes watery eyes and gasping breaths, I always appreciate getting out, though. I was contemplating why seeing a clear view of the Cascades and Olympics always makes me smile and feel good. The best I could come up with is like a baby being swaddled- you're being cradled by something big and powerful but inviting all the same.

As I slooooowwwwwwllllyyy made my way around the lake, I took the time to carefully watch the people go by. Of course there were the usual Greenlake walkers, awesomely captured in Pemco's latest ad (not posted on YouTube yet, sadly), but also the random assortment of other Seattlites too. Gazza, desperate for other canine company, tried to get every dog to play with her. Poor, neglected dog! I got a kick out of seeing a guy running with an Indiana shirt on. As my Indiana sweatshirt registered, we simultaneously did the smile and point thing as he jogged past.
On a parting note, I don't understand why people assume Gazza is a boy. It's obviously a bit difficult with dogs sometimes, but that's why she has a pink leash and collar! Is it her beard?

Food for thought

I had a craving for fresh mushrooms the other day. I know it's a bizarre craving- I wonder what it indicates may be lacking in my diet. Aren't they mostly just cellulose and water? I can't stand cooked mushrooms but raw ones are good. Even so, I can't let myself look too closely at what I'm about to eat because it's a fungus, you know? Jock itch is a fungus. And it has gill thingies.

Anyway, Trader Joe's had a little container of them that I got, ate three, and then put in the fridge for later. Later turned out to be today and as I inspected them, it occurred to me that, not having looked closely before, I don't know what would indicate a mushroom gone bad. Mold? Another fungus? And then I started thinking about how bugs crawl on them in the woods and how do they make sure all the bugs are gone anyway (without pesticides, being organic and all)?

Then it also occurred to me that since my sense of taste and smell is currently limited to necrotic bowel, I probably wouldn't taste it if something was amiss. Then again, it might not make a difference. I would imagine getting sick from rotten mushrooms or the plague presents similarly.

Lastly, it occurred to me that I was giving the whole topic more thought than it probably deserved, but who cares? I've got nothing better to do!

Finishing off my inspection, I think I just successfully talked myself out of my snack. Possibly for good.

Outwatching the bear

I officially have the flu. I'm still sort of surprised at how quickly it came on- less than twelve hours! While there has yet to be any reverse peristalsis or coughing up of lungs, I feel pretty crappy. I'm anticipating a long one :(

I was supposed to be outwatching the bear tonight. That is to say, working throughout the night. (the phrase came about because Ursa Major never sets). Actually, I still may be up all night, but definitely not at work...

Battening down the hatches

Yesterday was the most fun I've had in quite a while! A new friend and I went for a hike on the Boulder River Trail. We figured there'd be some snow, in fact we did break trail for a while, but it wasn't impossible. Slow going, however, because there were stretches where every step you fell through to your thighs. At least it deterred any other people from joining us :)

I parked the car a ways from the trailhead because the snow looked a little iffy. We probably could have made it except for the fact that a guy had tried to take his front wheel drive truck thing and got stuck in the mud. I will proudly state for the record that Stewart and I pushed an SUV from the ditch. Oh yeah, still got it in me ;)

Gazza was awesome. She loved it and was a ball of energy! I took her pack off a ways in because it made her too wide in some places so that she couldn't jump from footprint to footprint. It was kind of cute, actually, seeing a dog print in the heel print of our boots. She finally realized that she's better off moving alongside of our trail because she doesn't fall in as often. She busted a couple moves, not unlike a goat, that surprised me.







This last photo is her with my sock duct taped on. I don't know why she looks so pathetic because she was still wagging her tail. Her foot started bleeding near the end (ice crystals, I think), so I put it on her to prevent any further cuts. Booties may be in order next time. Stewart gave me one of his socks to wear (thanks!). Putting on somebody else's sweaty sock might be one of the grosser things I've done lately, but as long as it doesn't turn black and fall off, we'll call it good :)

Not so good, however, is that I appear to have the beginnings of the plague. I feel awful. I think the local bugs are all in cahoots to get me sick every year for my birthday :/

Thinking

"It was growing late when I left. Night doesn't fall in the hills and hollows of central Kentucky. It rises from the depressions and clefts of mother earth, smudges contours and outlines, cloaks the hills in dark velvet, and reaches to embrace the luminous sky."
~Nadine Brewer in "Home to the Heart of Kentucky" Natl. Geographic 1982

A few months back, I got a decade of National Geographics for free from a guy on Craigslist (perusing the "free" section results in treasures every once in a while). I really liked this woman's description of nightfall in Kentucky. I know exactly what she's talking about, and it's one specific thing I love about southern Indiana and below. I feel like this also describes some of what I felt in West Virginia last fall when I went to visit Steff. I'm not quite sure why it makes me feel like I'm home, but it always has. I sort of miss it.

I'm lost in thought today. Didn't sleep well, walked around Greenlake three times (nearly nine miles) before work, and was off all evening at work. I had this song stuck in my head. I don't know why people feel the need to put inspiring but incredibly cheesy pictures to religious songs. So please look past that and listen to the words to one of my favorite David Crowder Band songs. The fact that he reminds me of a goat only adds to the fact that I appreciate and enjoy his music.



Time and time again I go back to this song because it gets me when he says, "you make everything glorious... what does that make me?" Now don't go thinking I believe I'm all that and a bag of cinnamon bears, but I do believe that God makes all things glorious. Dude, that's a lot to take in.

Anyone seen my scythe?

I'd been feeling sort of, for lack of a better descriptor, weird lately about having been the one to withdraw life support on four patients the last month and a half. It's part of the job and all, but I seem to be doing it more than usual lately. That's how it goes, ebb and flow, but I was still beginning to feel like the Nurse of Death, you know? So as I walked into work this afternoon, I cringed when I saw the manilla envelope in my box...

The UW is doing some sort of palliative care study in the ICU's, and an envelope means a rather long survey to fill out. I don't mind doing it, it's just that I've done quite a few of them lately. I still get a little emotional about them all, so I was going to toss it in my locker for a bit. As I picked it up, another little envelope fell on the ground. It was a card addressed to me via the unit. The family of the most recent patient I withdrew care on had sent me a very nice, personal thank you note. Not sure why it means so much to me, but it does.

Lesson learned? While I may still be the harbinger of death, I'm at least a likable one!

On being an adult

In response to "why don't you want kids?" I've begun using the "because I believe in child abuse" quip (credit where credit is due: Bob). It's a joke people. A joke. Even so, I don't think I'll be able to say that, working with kidlets and all now. Rats, it's a great line if only I could keep a straight face when I say it!

Oh, I decided to stay per diem at the current hospital in addition to the new job. That means I work two eight hour shifts a month. I think that'll be doable.

I was disappointed in myself because I got a little nervous when I realized I would have no health insurance for a few months between leaving The Forefront and when benefits kicked in at this hospital. It felt all grown up-ish, but more disconcerting, a bit too dependent on my part. I'd like to think I could survive all on my own without help from the Man (or The Hospital for that matter). You know, along the lines of "I am woman, hear me roar!" I used to have a t-shirt saying that. It was cool.

When I realized this will be the case again during the switchover to my new job, I did the same thing. Now, I could forgive myself the momentary concern last time given the driving across the country in the dead of winter with my worldly possessions in a car I don't quite own yet... but not for a move like this. Sheesh, grow up.

On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea after all.

Headed west from the Cumberland Gap

I woke up this morning feeling sad. I think partly it was a bad dream I was having, but I've felt myself beginning to feel a bit blue lately. I decided it's ok to have sad days every once in a while, but that I'd be going outside and playing anyway. Katie and I finally touched base and my day immediately started looking up when within this first two minutes, this conversation took place:

Katie: So, now don't get too excited, but I got you something.
Me: Really? [thinking, an early birthday present?]
Katie: It's really not a big deal, but I'll tell you what it is.
Me: ...
Katie: Cheese! Lots of shredded cheese!

I'm so glad friends and family think of me when they buy cheese! I couldn't help laughing and smiling after that :)

The day only got better from there. It was gorgeous out today! Sunny and warm with lots of people out. It reminded me of how Chicago randomly decides to barf its inhabitants onto the streets and beaches one day and declare it spring. Everyone is blinking in the sunshine, trying to remember what we're supposed to be doing out here and how to interact with strangers again. You know the dedicated people who have been out all along because they're in shorts and avoiding the awkward crowds.

Gazza and I roamed the park for a few hours and then found a little clearing on a bluff overlooking the Sound.







As you can see, she almost always has to be touching me... Anyway, as we were sitting there drinking in the sun and beautiful view, I was thinking about the past year here. I've been in Seattle a few weeks over a year. I'm not sure what I think about the whole thing. It has been really tough and really good. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be when Steff and I rolled in last year, but I like where I am. I was just musing on that when I heard guitars being played from somewhere up above. I tried to freeze frame those few moments because I live for them.

Everything in the world was just right.

After a while, the guitars blended in with the birds and breeze. I was woken out of another reverie when I recognized they were playing Wagon Wheel.



Oh come on, I know it made you smile at least a little bit :) That song reminds me of Steff, and I tried to will her off the slopes of West Virginia and onto my bluff in Seattle. It didn't work. I still had a good time, though. So did Gazza. She's not going anywhere else tonight, that's for sure!

Fork fluffing

I'm generally a pretty imaginative person. Not as in artsy imaginative, but if you tell me something, I'm constructing the image of what you're saying in my mind. I think in pictures. Sometimes I think that's why my communication is sub-par. If you could "see" my mind instead of "read" it, my world (and those of you involved) might be a better place.

Anyway, where was I going with this? Ah yes. I've also become somewhat of a connoisseur of Trader Joe's recipe of the day. Or week. Whatever it is. Today's was really good, so like the good consumer I am, I bought the stuff. So as I'm here making my couscous and beans, I read the instructions for the couscous (Yes, couscous requires directions). At the end, it directs, "fluff with a fork and serve warm." Fluff with a fork? As mentioned above, I'm pretty visual, but I had some difficulty putting "fluff" and "fork" in the same sentence. I know what they're getting at, but maybe with a spoon instead?

And lo, here is my fork-fluffed, two-pot-use supper. A masterpiece in my own mind:

I can't breathe!

I give up justifying these types of things to people. I will laugh when you have awkward falls, and I will laugh when you trip. It may not be in the moment, and I don't want you to get hurt but seriously folks. It's funny. That said, try not to laugh at this one (especially the slowmo version):



Changing topics here, I saw this with Gazza yesterday. Apparently the little bird and I weren't the only ones who got the spring memo early!



I hope the little guys make it :)

Who doesn't love a hedgehog?

If we all looked like this when we ate, we'd lose a good 50% of the calories by just laughing at each other:

Worth the wait

An Ode... part deux

Oh sprinkle cookie, my heart's delight,
I look on you, a marvelous sight.
It's been so long, my cookie true,
Since our midnight rendez-vous!

The hospital has done its best,
It's put our love to the test.
For the kitchen is closed in the night,
The bars are locked nice and tight.

Now on days, I pass you by
For a healthy salad with a sigh.
I see you there, my heart cries out,
I love you still! Have no doubt!

So here's the plan, what we'll do;
I've found a way for me and you
To reunite sans calories
And fat to clog my arteries!

If we can share, now hear me out,
Our special bond, what we're about
With a girl I know, a friend in need-
We'll show her love, plant the seed.

My shaggy dog, Ragazza, cries
Causing me such woeful sighs.
In the car she pines for me,
Howling oh so plaintively.

Can you calm her, cookie sweet?
I'll warn you now, it's quite the feat!
Let her know I'm never far,
And when I'm gone, there you are.

I know she loves you, eats you up;
You've charmed her too, my anxious pup.
The croissants are second only to you,
The silver bullet in this SNAFU.

For a healthy reunion, here's my plan,
Uniting cookie, dog, and man:
You'll fill her belly with sprinkle delight,
And I'll revel in the wondrous sight!

So as God ordained for it to be,
We're back together, you and me!
Only now a trio, joy all around!
Hooray and let the trumpets sound!

Too cool

A little bird told me

It's three in the morning and I'm woken out of a poor slumber by retching. On my bed. I'm wide awake in a split second and reach to the floor for a shirt as a more suitable, uh, target. As I'm falling back into bed, I see that she's standing up, trying to york on my pillow.

Against my better judgement, although it appears to have helped, she ate two cups of food and drank a bowl of water. When we went out, she did her business, wagged her tail, and started for the door. At any rate, she's sleeping peacefully at my feet now.

I know what you're thinking. But I feed her! She ate today!

As I was bundled up outside, a few thoughts went through my mind. While there's still no discernable sunlight at this hour, it's milder than it has been of late. In fact, it was quite pleasant out. Also, I wouldn't have thought I could feel peacefulness in a city, but it feels notably calm out there overlooking Lake Union and downtown (I suppose that's what happens when you're not a twenty-four hour city). Given that I wasn't sleeping well anyway, I thought about taking a walk but decided against it. It's been a while since I've taken a midnight stroll, and I find I actually miss it.

I couldn't help but laugh at the bird singing out of tune on the roof. Seattle appears to have a thing for discordant morning serenades. Still, it was nice to feel the first breath of spring too. I would have whistled along in kind if I could.

But at least I showered...

My complete and utter lack of doing anything productive today has surprised even me. Although I did manage to squeeze in some time to work on Miki's Present of Great Awesomeness between naps and eating. And Advil. Also, I watched Dee's early birthday present to me. This, my dear friends, is what movie making is all about!



The movie is unparalled except maybe by Chitty Chitty Bang Bang :



Oh man, who doesn't love it when Dick Van Dyke sings and dances? I mean seriously! Just ask Munoz, he'll tell you.

No concept of the personal space bubble

Feeling pretty awful today. My mind just might explode all over the internet. Now that I've received the sympathy I need, I'm back to bed with this raging headache. So much for productivity...

Here's a new Gazza picture (courtesy of Erica) that pretty much sums up what happens when we get home from work.

This one is for my parents...

Thankfully, the fog of late has lifted.

As some of you may have guessed (woah, deja vu), I took a new job. I truly will only say good things about where I am now, but I have to get off nights. That's all there is to it. So I interviewed yesterday and decided to accept the offer. I put in my three weeks notice today, so starting March tenth, I will be a PICU nurse (pediatric ICU). Hopefully within the year I'll sub-specialize in pediatric cardiac ICU.

Holy moly, I know. Kids. I used to poke fun at all the nurses in school who only ever wanted to work with kids. I mean, how cliche, right? And then here I go... The tipping point was when I realized that I can love kids without actually wanting my own. *gasp* What kind of nurse could possibly not want kids, you ask? To which I reply, the kind who thinks not all patients are obnoxious- some are intubated. I kid, I kid! Sort of.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I'm a little nervous. I mean, my experience is largely adult cardiothoracic. Now I'll be taking care of the kids across the spectrum (transplant, sepsis, and all the things gone horribly wrong). Kids. The little things that can't rationalize or communicate. Actually, come to think of it, I sort of do that already. Minus the "little" part, that is. My back is killing me.

So yes, here we go again. I'm confident as I've ever been making a decision like this, and I'm excited! To whoever reads this thing at work now, thanks and I'll miss you! And to those of you in Arizona, I'm thinking about making a short jaunt down your way in the week between the jobs. I'll be driving (the dog and all) and want to be outside all the time, so get out yer hiking boots and let's go play!

I would totally do this if I could join...

In other news, big changes a-comin' my way!

Rub-a-dub-dub

I came to the realization this week that I have become... that person.

You know, the one who has a car filled with stuff, dirty dishes in the sink, and a messy locker (didn't think I'd be saying that after high school!). Me? All of the above. It's a slow descent into clutter. I refuse to let this go on!

And so tonight, after a surprise evening off from work, I clean...

Warning: lots of pictures

So there's a new picture up on PostSecret:


(is this legal to post if I'm giving them credit?)

It reminded me of an awesome trip we took when I was at ASU: Zion National Park. We didn't get a permit for the Narrows until a day after we got there, so we climbed Angel's Landing and stuffed as many people as we could in the trunk to kill time. Four, in case you are wondering.

Jess and I were the only ones who crept inch by inch up the this sheer drop off. It was really neat. As we sat there, causing some other people a bit of anxiety, we chatted about heights. We decided it's not that we're depressed, it's just that we have this curiosity about what it would be like to jump. I bet it would be a total rush. That was when I decided that if I had to choose a way to go (oh come on, like you've never thought about it or at least been asked), that was how I'd go. I'd climb up Angel's Landing and swan dive!




What can I say? I've always had a thing for heights!




Some other random Zion photos because it was really fun :)


Starting out. Did you know you have to walk through cow pastures to get to some of the greatest slot canyons in the Southwest?



An interesting hole in the rock wall with a log wedged inside.


Rock monkeys.


Over or under- that is the question.


My first memory of Steff. Besides the leaky poop bag, I mean.


One of my favorite photos ever.


Push-o-war.


It really does make you feel insignificant (in a good way).


Colin hiked the Narrows with one leg??


...and then back to school.

Unwinding

I know it's totally lame to post one of these on a blog, but it was kind of a fun one because it brought back good memories and apparently classifies me as somewhat of a hick. I find that amusing :)

1. Have you ever gone mudding?
No, but I know people that have/do

2. Have you ever lived on a dirt or gravel road?
Yes if a cabin counts

3. Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Of course

4. Ever been to a bonfire party?
Yes, best kind of party :)

5. Have you ever driven a tractor?
We owned a John Deere

6. Have you ever been on a horse?
Many times. Wish I did it more often now.

7. Chevy or Ford or Dodge?
Not personally but in the family, yes.

8. Kissed someone in a pick up?
I would say my brother (his pick up) but that sounds waaaaaaaay too Appalachian hick. Sick. Come on, though, a kiss goodbye? On the cheek?

9. What's your favorite country song?
Tough. Garth Brooks- Standing Outside the Fire

10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road?
Faster on a desert road, but not on a dirt road, no.

11. Worked or Lived on a farm?
Nope

12. Been to a rodeo?
Horse shows, county fairs, and 4H, but no rodeo

13. Do you own cowboy boots?
No but always looking

14. Do you have a cowboy hat?
Proudly

15. Have you ever said Git-R-Done?
If I'm joking around

16. Country skylines or a city skyline?
Country but Chicago's skyline from Lake Michigan is really great (my picture, thankyouverymuch!)

17. Can you name a rodeo star??
Not a one

18. Do you think tractors are sexy
No and I detest that song

19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler?
Many times. I want one

20. Are you from the country?
Depends on who is asking, but I don't consider myself from the country, no

21. If so, are you proud of it?
I am proud of where I'm from (wherever that is anyway)

22. Gone hunting?
Gun range, desert and trap shooting but no hunting. Would if the chance came up though

23. Gone fishing?
Yes

24. Is your heart in Dixie?
More on the Mason side

25. Been on a hayride?
Overrated but still fun. Hand check!

26. Have you ever line danced?
Sadly the only dance I know!

27 is missing.

28. Do you drive a pick up truck?
No. Second choice

29. Fell asleep in a haystack?
Too scratchy

30. Own a pair of overalls?
Yes

31. Drank Moonshine?
You would all know if it had ever happened

32. Include the word "yonder" in your daily vocabulary?
Not daily...

33. Ever shoveled manure?
Horse, yes

34. Milked a cow?
Nope

35. Plucked a chicken?
Eww

36. Is sweet tea your favorite drink?
Apple cider

37. Been to a race?
What kind of a race?

38. Have you ever made out in a back of a pick up truck?
No but watching the desert sky from one was probably one of the more romantic dates I've been on! (Jeez, does my score automatically double for that one?)

39. Do you currently own a sleeping bag & tent?
Uh, yes...

40. Have you ever skinny dipped?
Yes, but I don't think that makes you a hick



I am awesome.

More or less the prevailing emotion today

Most of the time Gazza is fun to watch dream. She runs in her sleep, snorts, and makes really funny woofs. But some nights she's obviously having nightmares. She was just cowering and whimpering in her sleep. I have some very choice words for her breeder.

Car go boom!

As I was driving to Katie's tonight, a 76 gas station tanker thing in front of me was the only other car along 24th in front of the UW stadium. It totally blew through a red light and I'm kind of ashamed to say that the first thought through my mind was, "I bet the explosion from a t-bone collision would have been pretty cool." And then for a fleeting moment I was irritated at the careless driver.

All's well that ends well, I suppose.

I'm starving so we stopped by Dick's on the way home (I can't believe there's actually a Wikipedia entry for this one). Mmm. Who doesn't love their fries and shakes? So I got two fries thinking I'd give Gazza the second one, but by the time we got home I realized I'd snarfed most of the second one down already. Poor pooch doesn't know what she's missing. Jeez. Somebody feed this girl!

I hope Allen doesn't mind

I saw a sign today for Allen Street, but somebody has scratched out part of the "l" so that it looks like "Alien Street." When I came back a different way, they had done the same thing to another sign. Somebody has too much free time!

Given that this is Fremont, the center of the known universe, I guess I'm not too surprised. There are bound to be extraterrestrials in such a locale, no?

I apologize for the lag in posts. Things are busy. But I will say that Gazza spent the last two nights successfully in the car!! So don't uncross your fingers just yet, but things just started looking a lot better for my furry friend and me :) Oh, and she likes pickles too.