Overload, day two.

Although I have a million and one things to write about, I'm just too tired. I wish I could adequately describe to you my day, but I just can't.

I did an evening shift for my second (and last) day of orientation. I was a little bummed because they had me in a different ward than the day before, and I had really enjoyed that one. This ward ended up being cool too, though, and my preceptor was cool. I have to be honest though- I got pulled into the ICU by chance to help admit a patient and get him settled after a surgery for a terribly advanced case of Ludwig's angina. There's no way it would ever possibly get this far along in my country. I find myself in a constant state of disbelief, reminding myself to shake it off and get to work. He is not fine and he is not healthy and he has a difficult recovery ahead (if at all). But that's it- he has that chance for his body and spirit to heal. And God has allowed my measly two cents and skills to maybe count for an irreplaceable something.

Nursing here is different. I would describe it as more "relational nursing" because it's not as technical and fostering relationships is critical. Those relationships are always important, but it just doesn't happen on the level that I believe, that most of us believe, should in the states. There's never enough time- too much charting, too many protocols and checklists, too little funding. Much as I like the technical aspects, I've always felt that void. But here in Benin, it happens. It's emphasized not just in theory but in practice. You will hold hands. You will play with toys on the floor. You will watch movies while cuddling a patient on your lap. You will say I love you to patients... because you can, and more importantly, you want to.

I've heard three different people describe nursing here to Florence Nightingale. Now, I laughed to myself when they said that because really, how cheesy is that? But it makes sense. We can do more than she could, but it's still more relational on a deeply personal level than much of modern hospital nursing. ICU today was different, but then again it always is- it's the nature of the job. And yet still. Can you imagine admitting a critically ill patient and getting report to a background of prayers of thanks and pleading for more healing?

I think what was pretty cool today, among other things, is that I felt that while I perhaps wasn't contributing in the ways I'd like to, I came away feeling like I was an essential part of the day. I mean, I got to read an EKG strip and explain something about it because somebody came to me asking if it was ok. I got to explain some things about arterial lines because a nurse just wanted to know. I got excited because people wanted to know, and I got to explain. It's a cool feeling. Let's be clear here- I learned much, much more than what little I got to pass along, but I contributed uniquely in a decidedly positive way. Hey, Ali even thought I made a good birthday present!

I'll have to save more concrete descriptions of what it's like in the wards for another day. I need more time to take it in, to contribute, to hopefully understand the enormity of it all. I can't remember people's names. Shoot, I can't even keep straight what they're doing here most of the time. I find myself laughing at my chair rolling across the room with the rocking of the boat. I find myself incredulous, watching the patient's stretcher rolling across the room as the floor tilts back and forth to the rhythm of the waves, straining against the thick ropes binding us to the dock- it brings a whole new importance to locking the wheels. We use a hodgepodge of tubing, medications (including vinegar and honey to treat infected wounds), and supplies in any number of languages- whatever makes its way to us. And yet we have an iStat, three (ancient) ventilators, the only CT scanner for thousands of miles, and undeniable success in our medical endeavors.

God must be smiling somewhere, everywhere. He must be cracking up at us in our little floating community, a hospital in a ship off the coast of West Africa.